quitch

how to move on

2011-09-02T21:34:00.001+02:00

(beause sometimes you just can't get over someone)

* delete them on BBM

* delete them on Facebook

* don't obsessively track their movements and moods via social networks

* don't stalk them in general

* don't keep bringing them up

* feel sorry for yourself; when you're by yourself (your friends love you, bless, but no one wants to hear you whine)

* enjoy cheesy as shit break up pop; don't be afraid to listen to empowering anthems or pissed off kiss-offs or achingly depressive ballads. Who the hell cares if it's no one's taste?

(Adele's 21, Amy Winehouse's Back to Black, Alanis's Jagged Little Pill, Hole's Live Through This, Kelly Clarkson's My December, Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago, The Script's Science and Faith, James Blunt's Back To Bedlam, Sarah McLachlan's Mirrorball, Rihanna's Rated R, Dido's No Angel and loads more are awesome break up albums)

* remind yourself that you don't want to have to beg to be wanted

* and that if they can't have the balls to say what they feel, then that's not good enough for you

* want more

* get angry

* watch break up movies! The Break Up. Is a good place to start.
* bridget Jones 1 is great for building self respect and learning to call men "tossers"

* Enjoy yourself some me-time

* take up smoking * (omg don't sue me)

* wonder why tf your brain so easily knew what the "tf" was all about.

* yeah that had nothing to do with anything. I ran out. But sometimes distracting yourself works.

Harry Potter and Emma Watson's Boobies

2011-09-02T12:19:00.002+02:00

Now that's Super, Man

2011-09-02T11:07:00.004+02:00

Henry Cavill as Superman....

With a nice super bulge!

growth

2011-09-01T16:29:00.000+02:00

So, I'm moving again. This time to a smaller flat. The first time I will be moving into a smaller flat since I started living on my own. Despite this, it's also the first time I will have a two bedroomed place. It's a lot more homely than any other place, so maybe I'm growing up.

Well, I'm probably going to convert the garage (which has direct access to the flat, so its just like another room) into a chill spot.

So there's my nice little flat; all grown up and cosy and clean. And bazam! There's the garage; a rabbit hole waiting to transport me to a wondrous secret world filled with bean bags and cushions and a Playstation and some good-ass speakers and a fridge bursting with munchies and chocolate and who knows what else. It's the land of the free; where nothing needs to be picked up and the words HAVE and TO are mortal enemies.

So maybe I'm not growing up.

What if I hate the flat after a few days, and regret signing a two-year lease?

I did sort of love every other flat I saw, and believed them to be "the one(s)" so how I know if I'm being fickle?

Although, does wanting every other flat make me kinda easy?

Just once, I'd like to not be the only slut in the room.

Flats are like men. But all the ways I can think of are kinda lewd and dirty.

What if I move in and then a month later, I call the agent and be like: "so, um, I'm leaving"

#giggles

#hashtags

#yeahdefinitelynogrowth

Also, I don't know where "bazam" came from

Things The 2011 VMA's Made Me Wonder About

2011-09-01T14:14:00.000+02:00

Why did Lady Gaga's male alter ego have to be so dirty, lewd and have the movement of a 60 year old arthritic man?

Also, b*tch didn't even stay in character, using both "she" and "I" to describe Gaga.

What the hell was Jessie J trying to do?

That Kevin dude may as well have hosted the show

Someone said this about Nicki Minaj's outfit: "it looks like a 1000 Pokemons orgasmed on her"

Why was Kim Kardashian presenting?

Why was Katie Holmes there?

Who decided to put Cloris Leachman with the ho's from Jersey Shore?

Where did Paul Rudd's last joke go?

Why didn't Adele get to thank her fans for the three awards she won?

What the hell was wrong with Justin Bieber? He looked like Elton John; or even Annie Lennox. And why, or why, did he bring a snake?

And HOW THE HELL did he win Best Male? (oh wait, its the MTV VMA's)

What kind of tribute was that to Britney? I do a better tribute in my lounge on Saturday nights

What the hell is up with Britney's boyfriends hair? Once, he looked like Sam Merlotte. Now? A bit like Lennon.

Where was RiRi?

How come Kanye came off as the modest one during his and Katy Perry's acceptance speech for Best Collaboration?

Russell Brand and Katy are still together, then

PitBull still used Lindsay Lohan's name in his rap. I thought that was funny. And for two whole seconds, they showed the back of a blonde sitting next to him. Linds, did you go with him, even though you are still sueing?

I thought Lil Wayne's How to Love featured no autotune. Or is that just what he sounds like?

Chris Brown really did rock. When he started to fly, I was like "dayummm"

Adele simply stood, with a piano bathed in soft light, and sang. And without flying, hordes of backup dancers, David Guetta-produced beats, laser shows and crazy outfits; she out shone every single performance. Now thats freaking amazing.

Bruno Mars did a good job on Valerie; but Russell Brand was pretty cool banging on about Amy Winehouse.

Adam Levine dissed the VMAs, and MTV tweeted him back sneakily reminding him of when he won his Moonman. Haha. BUT Cee-Lo was a nominee - and Cee-Lo is his co-judge on The Voice, so maybe the rumours of all the infighting are true; somehow, Christina Aguilera isn't the diva in that show...

some strange celebrity pictures

2011-08-31T20:54:00.001+02:00

Kelis looks a bit like a goat. And also like the statue of Liberty.

It's like Robin Thicke farted, and Jay-Z is like: "you nasty, boy"

I'm sure in context this ain't crazy. Still weird.

To be fair, if you had to photograph me dancing, I'd come off looking like stoned victim of electrocution. But, you gotta admit, it makes Miley look rather silly.

This is only here because I remember reading once (somewhere. Maybe a blog, or magazine. I dunno) that Paris Hilton stashes he weed/coke/whatever into her Coochie McCooch.

Again, in context, this be normal. But also, you need talent to be able to gracefully glide like Michael Cera

This is just for giggles: Ronaldo. Haha.

Poor turtle. Wonder if it survived. If it didn't I bet it had one hell of party. I mean, its Courtney Love.

The Power of Emma Stone

2011-08-30T19:50:00.001+02:00

Emma Stone is having the best week of her life. Two hit films in the US Box Office Top 10 (one of which is nommer ONE) and of course, the Jim Carrey tape.

You know the one. F*ck, even Aunt Petunia knows about it. Although, she would, wouldn't she?

Anyway; Emma is getting bucketloads of publicity, and all of it FANTASTIC; and as if that wasn't enough; Miss Thing didn't even do a thing.

I mean, sure people are talking about Jim Carrey and giving him side-eye; looking at him like he's loopy. But it is Jim Carrey, and that's not exactly any different.

But he was in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and he was so sweet on Oprah and he's funny so he's a nice, sweet guy, I guess. So hot damn, how hot must Emma Stone be?

Did ya see that tape of Jim Carrey recording himself declare crazy love for that chick who looks like Lindsay Lohan?

F*ck me, he is cooked.
I always knew he was funny.

Wonder why he likes her so much?

Okay, so maybe no one really speaks like that, but you may not have even known what I was even attempting there, so what.ever. Squared.

My point, was. People aren't just talking Jim; they're talking Emma. Wondering how she beguiled him, if he is crazy, or, if he was just brave enough to say what we were all thinking.

No really. She sure is purty. With those big eyes, and silly smile and sexy hair. And talented, and spirited, and funny, and great and just awesome. Did you know she made a powerpoint presentation with pros and cons about moving to Hollywood, age 16, for her parents?

And that she used Madonna's Hollywood as the theme song? #adorbs

And now, here she is, Queen of the Box Office (for this month at least); able to make grown ass actors like Jimminy bow before her rendered useless by love, able to make gay men blog about her and able to use Madonna to win an argument with her folks.

Which worked, by the way. Because, she's in Hollywood. Obviously.

crazy-ass theories

2011-08-29T10:41:00.001+02:00

* The nicer and fancier the lighter, the shorter its life span

* The quality of a TV show is directly related to the quantity of pretty boys in it. The more there are, the worse the script.

* In TV and movies: the hotness of a woman is directly proportionate to how evil she is. Hot = Baddd.

* Are we sure that Lady Gaga really isn't one Rob Schneider?

* Or that Jeffrey Dean Morgan isn't Javier Bardem?

* Movies with the word "idiot" in the title won't do very well

* The most viewed Blog Post won't be something clever and meaningful; no. It will the one post you actually wish you didn't post

* okay so I'm stretching the theory limit. But: if you title something as "crazy-ass" you kinda get a free pass

things that concern me:

2011-08-27T12:51:00.005+02:00

* I can remember the first episode of Desperate Housewives, and its been on for like, 8 years now. #signsofaging

* yes, I now employ #hashtags

* How can A really know that much about all the girls in Pretty Little Liars? Even the therapist?

* I am now late for my 'Sunday Lunch on Saturday' gig with my friend. (come on, when will I ever get to use 'gig' otherwise?") Instead I blog. #addictivepersonality

* I sorta believe that Jim Carrey really would be that good, and Emma Stone would be grateful that he was the appropriate age. But he is not.

* my aim for today is: "stay awake until at least, 10"

* I'm not yet over Ugly Betty's cancellation.

* does anyone else find Michael Stipe attractive? Not even here?

* oh, saw a documentary about a man with a small penis (like, this small: penis size start here > --- < penis size end here) who went to find other men with small penises to talk to, but they really didn't want to. it's weird. No, really, it is.

ridiculous

2011-08-27T03:16:00.000+02:00

You know, what's really ridiculous about Anderson Cooper's "Ridiculist" is how clever that name is. He's a silver fox (bear?) with a silver spoon. Lets give me the benefit of the doubt there, and say that made sense. Nay, not just sense, but also, Deep, Meaningful and Profound sense, in a clever and witty way. I do ask a lot, don't I?

It's just, it got me started on how ridiculous everything in life is. (Quite the leap, eh? You're impressed, I know I am) (Why the f*ck am I talking in brackets again?!) Back to life's ridiculousness. You know, I really don't have anywhere to go with this. I could have gone the "we live in a world where the Kardashians are important and Joan of Arcadia is marrying Tobias Funke so it has to be insane" way or the Use-Murphy's-Law-Type-Scenarios-to Comically-Highlight-How-Ridiculous-Life-Is route (similar to Alanis's whole "Ironic" thing, except her scenarios weren't really ironic, but then again, of course, that kinda makes the whole thing ironic... sigh.

but then I thought "naa".

and just went with it instead.

Believe you me, this is as frustrating for you as it is me.

Or, one may even say, it is ...ridiculous....

Yes, you hate me, I do too.

Lines, man

2011-08-27T02:14:00.003+02:00

Because if you can't be self-indulgent as fu*k on your blog, where can you be?

Oh yeah. Facebook. Ha. ha.

Sorry.

Here's a line or two from songs that stay with me because they're so perfectly and achingly crafted that they give me the goosies. True story.

"...and life, is like a pie...and I'm the tiny penny rolling up inside the wall"

"we only said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times, you go back to her, and I go back...to black"

Amy Winehouse - song: Back to Black, album: Back to Black

"Love is a fate resigned; over futile odds, and laughed at by the Gods, and now the final frame, love is a losing game."

Amy Winehouse - Love is a Losing Game, Back to Black

"this grief overwhelms me, burns in my stomach....and I can't stop bumping into things..."

Alanis Morissette - Simple Together, The Collection

"Rain turns the sand into mud. Wind turns the trees into bone. Stars turning high up above. You turn me into somebody loved"

The Weepies - Somebody Loved, Happiness

"...someone like you, and all you know, and how you speak...
...Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep,
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat - I hope it's gonna make you notice...
Someone like me, someone like me"

Kings of Leon - Use Somebody, Only By The Night

"He only loves those things because he loves to see them break
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
And someday, you will ache like I ache
Someday you will ache like I ache"

Hole - Doll Parts, Live Through This

"I never ever cried when I was feeling down. I've always been scared of the sound
Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load. I'm too young to feel this old"

Kings of ~~tiredness~~ Leon - Cold Desert, Only By the
Night

"You were like a power of nature
Telepathic beautiful creature
Understanding all of my weakness
Patient, loving, knowing you'd reach it

Cynical and hurt was just me
You were never supposed to be
Part of what I would call amazing
Took so long to finally see"

Sugababes - Denial, Change

Okay, now I'm including more than lines, but sometimes the lyrics need context...

"You always said you would leave me without turning back

you're so sure I could never endure with my emotions in tact

You've such a sense of your confidence in my obsession with you

I'd like to question those assumptions but, baby it's true...

Moments away from these arms...

You'll always be, moments away from these arms

'cos no matter what i do, no matter what i say,

you will always be sweet moments away..."

Mango Groove - Moments Away, Another Country

"Up 'til now I thought I knew love
Nothing to lose and it's damaged 'cause
Patterns will fall as quick as I do
But now...

Bridges are burning, baby I'm learning
A new way of thinking now
Love I can see, nothing will be
Just like it was"

Britney Spears - Unusual You, Circus

"I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe"

Kelly Clarkson - Maybe, My December

"All of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you"

Brandi Carlisle, The Story

"I tell my love to wreck it all - cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall"

Bon Iver - Skinny Love, For Emma, Forever Ago

"Would you believe me if I told you, that this whole world was a lie?

How about a simple kind of freedom? Where ambition never dies?"

Everybodys gotta a reason to believe

in how they choose to have their day,

but you're all I can imagine"

Sitter - The Whole World Was a Lie"The Masquerade Called Life

"What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage?
Created you a monster, broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it, you do what you have to do
And I have the sense to recognize that

I don’t know how to let you go"

Sarah McLachlan, Do What You Have to do, Mirrorball

"...but the words don’t always come out right, I let them go and they take flight;

words don’t always mean the most, yes sometimes words just don’t get close

Words don’t mean the things I do, don’t wait for words to get you through,

'cause words will fade like falling stars"

Niemand - Words, Reborn

Okay, that's enough for now :)

FML

2011-08-27T00:46:00.000+02:00

I have helmet hair, from the helmet I wore... eight hours ago.

I have a cough that makes me sneeze. Simultaneously.

Stoopid manscaping hair trimmer thing that makes me do things I regret

My stoopid ENTER key won't work

Pop songs with catchy lines that render me unable to ever say that line again without singing it

Food Inc. ruined my life

Can't find a song :(

Can't think of anything to Google

Banks :(

Weird messages from SARS that either mean "go to jail" or "well done laddie"

Urgh @ "feelings"

Stoopid electric cigarettes. I mean, how could I let myself believe?

things that always happen:

2011-08-22T14:53:00.000+02:00

* taxi drivers always say "15 minutes"
* Flats/apartments always appear bigger and nicer that they do in their ads
* I can never get that Mirror/Objects pun right
* the movie that you knew was bad, that everyone said was bad, that you still see anyway...is always bad
* there comes a time in every young-to-middle aged man's life where he will go through a phase of enjoying silly teenage drama series
* when an estage agent says "comes with small white family" and doesn't laugh when you say "do they come in other colours?" the flat will always SUCK.
* when you leave behind your jacket, because you're sure you won't need it, that's when you will need it

crazy is as crazy does

2011-08-22T14:37:00.000+02:00

So does life experience really have anything to do with love? Does it really matter where you are in life when you fall in love? Am I typing this with an SJP-style narration, revealing how unwilling my mind is to disassociate life from pop culture? Am I really going to open that can of worms? Is this just going to be a series of teunously linked questions? Why am I still reading this? Why am I still typing this? Does this make me self-indulgent or does it make you a fool?

Boy did I digress all over the place.

I apologise.

If you're still with me, and reading this, then wow, you really aren't going anywhere are you? How sucky is your life right now? And, also, thank you.

My original point was inspired by dis hier nuwe fliekie, Crazy Stupid Love (which is kinda how I feel about love, just with more expletives.)

The film aims to show you, or at least make you think (which is a fancy way of saying "brainwash" - okay, not in this case, because I like the movie, but in general) that love ain't ever gonna bend down to let life experience have a go. No.

They're all about how love is CRAZY! (kray-kray) and STUPID!!! (word!) and makes no real sense and messes with all your rules and walls and shit. And it dont matter how bitter you end up or how naive you are, when love decides to hit, it hits the crap out of you.

The movie uses 3 types of inter generational loves (that does sound wrong, no?) to gently lead you to the direction of "ah. that kid may just be a kid and not know anything about life, but you know, he seemed to know way more about love and what it really means that the older guys did"

I feel like adding a Southern-style "aww shucks good golly" to that, but its already gone over to the crazy side, so Imma stop and let you finish.

yeah I dunno either.

#thoughts

2011-08-18T07:28:00.000+02:00

1 the ten second rule should really not be a rule

2 shorthand will sometimes resemble math, but you should not be afraid

3 early to bed, early to rise, really just gives you that much longer of a day

4 so perhaps I shall try that on weekends

5 the teenage cat can be just as rude and manipulative as a teenage human

6 lower case usage just makes everything seem cooler

7 or, I'm still stuck in the 90s

8 I wonder what happened to Josh Hartnett?

9 yeah, I'm still in the 90s

10 Banksy: genius or twat? can one be both? well, yes.

11 apparently Josh has 6 new movies coming out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josh_Hartnett

12 sometimes, you should really not look. like if you cough into your hand, or other things.

13 bread has, like, hundreds of ways to be use. Ok, 17: http://www.wisebread.com/17-uses-for-stale-bread

14 so does bacon, apparently: baconbaconbacon.tumblr.com/

Live a Little, Have Some Pun

2010-12-03T14:30:00.000+02:00

You Know That New Zombie Show, The Walking Dead?

2010-12-03T14:09:00.000+02:00

well, imagine if it were like so:

She Who Must Not Be Painted

2010-12-03T12:08:00.000+02:00

You Heard Her

2010-12-03T11:19:00.000+02:00

So yesterday, Radar Online and Star Weekly published front page pics of Britney, saying her bf Jason Trawick beat her up. They had Jason Alexander (the dude she married in Vegas that One Time) quoted as saying Brit called him (as if) and admitted she was getting beaten (makes no sense, right?)

anyway, how does Brit respond? first by announcing that her new album will be out in March and then by this lovely gem:

Can You Handle Her Truth?

2010-12-01T17:03:00.000+02:00

Okay folks, this is a long (like, really long) one - BUT if you're a Britney fan, and lets face, why wouldn't you be? - then its a must read, because it is most illuminatiing. Be warned though, though you may think nothing about Brit would surprise you, this may just do that:

Britney Spears- The Performer

"When you think about it, Britney Spears is an artist - a pop artist, in the truest sense." (Quote from Jenny Eliscu, a writer for Rolling Stone)

Career beginnings, Artistic development

As early as her childhood years, Britney was determined to make it in the entertainment industry. She began signing at talent shows from a young age and, despite media reports, pushed her parents to help her pursue her career rather than them pushing her. After attending an arts school in New York, she acted on "The Mickey Mouse Club" for several years before it was canceled. At age 15, Spears was signed to Jive Records. Even as a newly signed artist, Britney made sure she had input into all of her music - she would review all the lyrics and production of the songs before recording them and would ask the producers and writers to make changes if she felt this was nescessary (such as changing "Born To Make You Happy" to be less sexual), she would also or ask the producers to change parts of the songs' instrumentation if she was unhappy with the way the songs sounded, showing that she has been more involved and had more input and control over her music from the start of her career than what she was commonly thought to have had. [] She also rebelled against her record label's ideas for her first music video, and instead came up with the entire concept of her music video for "Baby One More Time" herself, from the setting to the wardrobe. Britney did not do too much writing for her first album (aside from being the sole co-writer of one song on the album's import version titled "Autumn Goodbye"), but she was only starting out in her music career, and had already made several huge decisions that she knew would help to propel her to stardom instantly.

In 2000, Britney released her second album, "Oops!...I Did It Again". She first began attempting to seriously write on one song, "Dear Diary", on the album, which originally was presented to her as a different song. Britney, thinking of who her core fan base was (at the time) and being unhappy with the song's lyrics, then scheduled a meeting with the song's writers herself and changed many of the lyrics for the song to not be as 'dark'. This was only a start to Britney's involvement in writing her own music. In 2001, Britney's third album "Britney" was released, which (on the import version) had her co-write seven of the album's fifteen songs (Britney originally had written all but one song on the album, but the track listing was changed before release - she also wrote unreleased songs with collaborators such as The Neptunes and BT). Spears had also developed musically, with an album slightly edgier and more grown-up than her previous works. It was also notable that during her "Dream Within A Dream" tour, she performed four new songs live that she had written herself - "Mystic Man", "Weakness", "You Were My Home", and "My Love Was Always There". These songs were very jazz-inspired and Britney used her lower register while singing them. This was the beginning of Britney showing that she wanted to head in a more mature, artistic direction musically. In 2000 and 2001, Britney also began taking control of her TV specials for the first time, executive producing "Britney Spears: Your #1 Video Requests... And More!" as well as her 2001 HBO concert "Britney Spears Live From Las Vegas".

Artistic Achievements: Had input on lyrics of first album, increasingly began writing her own songs with each album, developed video concepts, executive produced TV concert specials, matured image and sound.

Writing Movie Script and Co-Authoring Books

In 2001, Britney began filming her first movie "Crossroads". From the beginning, Britney had an input on the script and even wrote parts of it and made changes to what she didn't agree with. Talking about developing the script, she said "[I created] the whole generalization of the girls going on the road trip and I had a lot of input to do with the characters and what each one was going through," Spears said. "The whole storyline as far as why Lucy was going and why Mimi was going, the writer came in and helped me elaborate on that a little bit. It was actually a combined effort between both of us." The script's co-writer Shonda Rhimes said "She specifically said that she wanted it to address real teen issues and things teenagers actually experience as opposed to being a fluffy take on what happens when you're a teenager". Britney not only came up with the storylines of the three main characters (which script writer Shonda Rimes elaborated on), but she also picked out all of her co-stars based on auditions they did. Other notable scenes Britney came up with on her own are the opening scenes. She also picked out a majority of the music that would be used throughout the movie and removed some of the profanity from the script to make the movie more suitable for all ages.

Artistic Achievements: Co-wrote entire script to "Crossroads" (with Shonda Rhimes), casted all characters, developed and removed scenes based on her own input.

Britney had also co-written three books from 1999 to 2002 - the first two, co-authored with her mother, were titled "Heart To Heart" (written about her life growing up and her early career) and "A Mother's Gift" (a teen drama). She also co-authored "Crossroads Diary" with her assistant, which documented her experiences filming her first movie. Although these books may have been geared more towards her younger fans at the time, it was another form of artistic development for Britney. Branching out into writing books also proved to be successful - her first two books were best-sellers on the New York Times list, which made Spears eligible to be considered a best-selling author, respectively.

Business Development

From mid-2002 onward, Britney began to expand her career into other fields such as producing. She wrote the book "Stages" with Sheryl Berk, which focused on her life while touring in 2002. She started work on producing the movie "Trading Paint" as well as an untitled romantic comedy, although plans for this were eventually canceled. She also started her production company, Britney Spears Productions, with her manager Larry Rudolph and "Crossroads" director. She also co-operated the companies Britney Brands, BritneyFilms, Britney Online, Britney Touring, Fairy Zone Productions, One More Time Music and Britney Television with her manager to manage the different aspects of her career. [] Britney uses these production companies for all aspects of here career, ranging from her concerts to her tour merchandise and fragrances, proving that she also was becoming a successful business woman in her own right.

Artistic Achievements: Authored three books, started and co-manages multiple production companies, planned work on developing two movies, co-wrote fourth book about her life while on tour.

"In The Zone" Era: More Writing, Production, and Artistic Involvement

In October 2002, after her "Dream Within A Dream" tour ended, Britney began recording her fourth album. Britney wanted this album to be different from her previous albums - she wanted it to have a much more mature sound and to do more writing. The result was "In The Zone", which is actually a term Britney and her manager used to describe her being focused (this was confirmed in Britney's first book). The meaning of the album was very fitting - Spears co-wrote 8 of the albums 12 tracks and one of the two bonus tracks found on the import versions. At the time, Britney also stated that she did not want to write lyrics that were dark or that were related with her personal life due to wanting to keep this private. Some people might think that in order to write an artistic song, it must have a dark or depressing theme, but the club-orientated sound of the songs was the main focus of the lyrics, which made Britney's writing work very well with the songs.

The album was also Britney's first album that completely separated her from her teen pop past and was adult pop. Both lyrically and musically, the album showed artistic growth - from Britney's writing, to the subject matter (which ranged from sex, to relations with married men, to masturbation, to heartbreak - more adult themes that Britney's previous music hadn't discussed). The songs were also more diverse than any of Britney's previous albums - it ranged from synth-pop ("Me Against The Music"), southern hip-hop ("I Got That (Boom Boom)"), eurotrance ("Breathe On Me"), trip-hop ("Early Mornin'"), Bollywood and electro-pop ("Toxic"), east-coast hip-hop ("Outrageous"), and reggae ("The Hook Up"), among other genres. The album also was Spears' first to have guest artists. Britney contacted both Madonna (appears on "Me Against The Music") and rappers the Ying Yang Twins ("I Got That (Boom Boom)") herself without input from her label to do collaborate with her. For the first time, Britney also co-produced some of her own material ("Me Against The Music" and "The Hook Up"). One particular artistic achievement was "Everytime", a piano ballad Spears wrote with one of her back up vocalists from her previous tour. Britney came up with the entire piano melody for the song herself, despite not given credit in the album credits for this. She played the piano melody to Guy Sigsworth, who then produced the song. Britney also took further control of the songs by now allowing her label to choose any of the singles this time around - even though she picked most of her singles in the past, she never had complete control over this. Rather than pleasing her record label by releasing "Outrageous" or "(I Got That) Boom Boom" as the first, second, or third singles from the album, Britney opted to choose songs that were still mainstream friendly, but more eclectic and mature than what she had previously released. Britney then created the concepts for the "Toxic" music video as well as the "Everytime" music video, although she revised her original concept of suicide to instead be about reincarnation.

Britney also again executive produced some of her TV specials, including the documentary and performance special "Britney Spears: In The Zone", which aired on ABC in November 2003, and the TV movie "Brave New Girl", which she not only executive produced but also co-wrote and cast the main character (the movie was based off a book she had co-written in 2002; she also named the movie after one of the songs on her album) . Britney also came up with the name of her 2004 tour, "The Onyx Hotel Tour", as well as helping to design the sets and create the show's themes and costumes. When the concert aired on Showtime, she executive produced the special and was also revealed to be one of the show's two writers/creators (she also wrote the spoken parts of the tour, which can also be read in the "Onyx Hotel" tour book) .

Artistic Achievements: Co-wrote nearly entire fourth album, co-produced some of her songs, went against record label to release singles she chose, chose and asked guest artists to collaborate with her, developed concepts to music videos, executive produced three TV specials ("In The Zone" ABC Special, "Brave New Girl" TV Movie - also casted and co-wrote, "Britney Spears: Live in Miami" - also created/co-wrote). Also won her first Grammy for "Toxic" (for 'Best Dance Recording').

Late 2004 - 2005: Complete Artistic Control, Co-Directing, More Executive Producing

In summer 2004, Britney (along with Elizabeth Arden) helped to design the fragrance to her first perfume, "Curious", rather than allowing Elizabeth Arden to do it and just use Britney's name to promote it - "Elizabeth Arden worked directly with Britney Spears to develop the bottle and packaging for Curious by Britney Spears, according to Tamara Steele, vice president of fragrance at Elizabeth Arden. Spears wanted a look that was "young and fresh," Steele said." Britney also designed the bottle based on "antique perfume bottles with atomizers". [] She also helped to create the scents and packaging for her follow-up fragrances "Fantasy", "In Control Curious", "Midnight Fantasy," "Believe", and "Hidden Fantasy". A little known fact about her fragrances is she also came up with the titles to all of them and also created their tag lines (she also wrote the spoken pod casts on the web site for "Fantasy" and wrote the multiple tag lines for "Believe" that come with the album's packaging by herself, something that could have been done by the staff members at Elizabeth Arden instead, showing that Britney has involvement in everything in her career - even little things such as this that go completely unnoticed, she wants to come directly from her rather than having corporate people do it for her). After this, she released her first Greatest Hits album, which she named after the album's first single. The single, "My Prerogative", was a cover of a Bobby Brown song - however, Britney solely wrote additional lyrics to the beginning of the song, as well as changing lyrics throughout the song to be from her own (and a female's) perspective. She then wrote the theme song to her sister's TV show "Zoey 101", as well as one of the other new songs released on her Greatest Hits album.

After her marriage, Britney fired her manager Larry Rudolph for interfering with her personal life and career in ways she did not approve of. She quickly hired a new manager (who was in contact with Larry's management company), but began calling most of the shots in her career on her own. For the first time, Britney was completely free of the restraints of her old manager, which allowed her to experiment with her career and put it into her own hands. The first thing Britney planned to do was release her fifth studio album - in late December, she premiered a new song "Mona Lisa" on an LA radio station. The demo of the song was written primarily by Britney about the media constantly wanting Britney to fail while waiting for another popstar to take her place.

"She was taken under, drowning in her sea
Running like an angel, she was crying, and could not see

And see everyone's watching, as she starts to fall,

They want her to break down, and be a legend of her fall" - Lyrics from "Mona Lisa" (Written by Britney Spears, along with her drummer and keyboard player from her 2004 tour)

This song was from an album Britney started recording demos for in the spring of the same year while she was on tour. The album, titled "The Original Doll" (a reference to her clones that she was the original female popstar of the post-2000 generation) was worked on with the band from her "Onyx Hotel Tour" and was rumored to have a much more organic feel - and if "Mona Lisa" is any indication, much deeper lyrics from Spears. Her record label became very unhappy with Britney after she premiered the song on the radio due to the song and planned album being Britney's own personal project, rather than an album to satisfy market forces. Although the album was scrapped, it showed that Britney wanted to have a more artistic album written by her from her own perspective - a concept that many non-fans would dismiss due to it being from 'Britney Spears'. To date, none of other songs Britney recorded with her band for the album have been released.

Following this, Britney took control of other projects in her career. She completely re-designed her web site from how her record label had designed it and began writing on the 'Stream of Consciousness' section of her site rather than having her managers do it to communicate more directly and be more 'hands-on' with her fans. On one of the postings on her website, she began writing a script to "a musical which makes fun of the whole Hollywood scene, which is appropriately titled "Hollywood". She also stated she would like to direct the musical if it ever materialized (which, to date, it has not).

Although she almost always comes up with the concepts to her videos, she co-directed and choreographed one of her music videos for the first time for the song "Do Somethin'". Despite her label not wanting her to shoot a video for the song, Britney persisted so she could experiment with the directing process and also to give another video to her fans before she took a break from most aspects of her career. On her web site, she wrote "Co-directing this video was like an experimental project for me. I feel like being behind the camera is sometimes more satisfying than being in front of it. Working on this video was my first taste into behind the scenes work which I am excited about doing more of in the near future. When a woman directs, I think it just alters the entire feel of the movie, production or play in such a positive way."

In the spring of 2005, she also executive produced her reality show "Chaotic", which was a behind-the-scenes look into her 2004 "Onyx Hotel Tour" as well as her relationship and marriage with her now ex-husband. Most of the footage was shot by Spears herself on a camcorder - despite how low-budget this might have seemed for someone with Spears' level of fame, it showed how much Britney wanted the show to be from her point of view rather than from her handlers' or managers'. Admittedly, the show may have not been the best idea at the time, but she wanted to make a point for the show to present herself from a more 'real' perspective without the high-budget gloss that the public would expect to see from a pop star. Aside from executive producing the show, she also helped to design the show's DVD artwork.

Before her show premiered, Spears wrote a song about having a child two weeks prior to her knowing she was pregnant. The song and its music video, titled "Someday (I Will Understand)", premiered on the show's finale. The song was solely written by Britney and she was also credited as playing the piano in the song, showing more evidence of Britney's growth as an artist. In addition this, a few more songs were registered to ASCAP with Britney as a writer.

"Nothing seems to be the way, that it used to

Everything seems shallow, God give me truth, In me..."

"Don't you run too fast my dear, why don't you stop?

Stop and listen to your tears, they're all you've got." - Excerpts from "Someday (I Will Understand)", written by Britney Spears

Throughout the remainder of the year, Britney mainly focused on her family and her newborn son Sean Preston. She still persisted at managing her career mostly by herself, ranging from designing her own outfits for award show parties or appearances as well as outfits auctioned for charity. She also again expanded her writing skills with a poem written solely by her on her official web site. Things like this, often ridiculed or disregarded by most people, showed that Britney actually can write exceptionally well on her own. Even if the subject matter isn't what normally will be considered 'deep', what she wrote in this poem had meaning to her and was about the problems between her and her husband at the time.

Artistic Achievements: Designed scents to fragrances (also titled fragrances and developed their tag lines), had additional lyrics to a cover of "My Prerogative" from her own perspective, titled greatest hits album, co-directed and choreographed video, took control of her web site from record label (redesigned and updated it herself), recorded and wrote more 'deep', stripped down album without record label's approval, executive produced and shot/directed scenes herself for reality show, released single solely written by herself (with instrumentation played by herself).

2006 - 2007: Working on Fifth studio album, Britney's Artistic Visions

In early 2006, she began working on her fifth album, scrapping the material she wrote and recorded throughout the previous year. Early songs made available through her official web site were "For My Sister", an acoustic ballad she wrote about watching her sister grow up, and "Rebellion", a hip-hop vibed song showcasing her stronger lower register. Britney also spent many sessions writing and recording with producers such as Jonathan 'J.R.' Rotem, Danja and Kara DioGaurdi throughout the summer.

"Be wary of others, the ones closest to you

The poison they feed you, and the voodoo that they do

But in rebellion, there's a sparkle of truth,

Don't just stand there, do what you got to do" - Lyrics from "Rebellion". Written by Spears, this song provided insight (from Britney's perspective) of Britney rebelling against what she was told to do by her managers and also from people close to her taking advantage of her.

After her divorce in late October 2006, Britney again began heavily recording for her next album. By this time, the music industry had changed - more than ever, demos were submitted to an artists label that only needed to be sung over by the artist. The same applied to Britney for the songs that actually made the album, however, her producers commented that she had a good amount of creative input on her songs despite not having co-writes on all of them for her fifth album. The album, titled "Blackout", featured only three co-writes from Spears, but one notable fact is she co-wrote an entire eight-verse 'rap' for the song "Everybody" but she did not receive credit on paper for this at all (this was confirmed by Jonathan 'J.R.' Rotem, the song's producer, during an interview with Ryan Seacrest). This gives speculation that Britney was more heavily involved with the writing process for this album than what was reported by the media at the time.

"Taking in every little thing I see

Triple tie dancing with the tab complete,

Little boys dancing Cause they feeling me,

Sweating cold, fretting, it's the place to be,

Come and sit with me, come and sit with me,

Sit back, you'll see it so beautifully,

Loving everybody, baby, is all you need -

Let go of the way things used to be..." - The lyrics that Britney wrote in "Everybody", showing that Spears excels at writing pop music when given the chance, even for club-orientated songs

In March 2007, after a brief stint in rehab, Britney managed plans to perform at select venues for a small tour throughout the spring of that year. The tour, known as the 'House of Blues' tour, had a very short setlist and only had six dates. However, Britney had actually created the "choreography and conceptualization" of the entire tour herself, showing that she wanted to have more control over her performances. [] The choreography from the tour was not as heavy as the dancing in her previous performances, but this was a good way for Spears to get used to being on stage again after being away from it for a few years.

In summer 2007, Britney shot the music video for her fifth album's first single "Gimme More". Although the released version only shows two scenes, many other scenes were shot with a very dark concept that Britney felt represented her at the time. The video's original concept was for the darker-haired brunette Britney to attend a funeral for the blonde haired Britney, which she wanted to represent as the death of her former self and image, and to reintroduce herself in a new way. One of the unreleased scenes also featured brunette Britney beating blonde Britney, who's tied to a chair, which is also meant to be representative of her killing off the image of her former self. Due to Spears' public rebellion and breakdown at the time, this concept very much fit her current situation and had a lot of significance to how the public viewed Britney based on what her former image had been. This concept was developed entirely by Britney herself - one of the set's cast members stated "Not many people know how long this music video has been in pre-production. The entire concept behind the music video, which I cannot talk about was entirely Britney's idea, and this is the first time that she has been involved in it as early as the story board process, all the way to the production design and the casting as well. The only thing I can say is that this video is about "rebirth". She also did all the choreography for it." The original video was not released due to problems with some of the scenes, however, this version of the video shows how involved Britney is in her career, even through the darkest times of her own personal life.

From August to October 2007, a CD of demos recorded for the "Blackout" album were leaked from a stolen demo CD. Writing credits from ASCAP revealed that Britney was in fact the writer of most of these leaked songs. Most notable of the songs were the ballads "Baby Boy" (registered as "Untitled Lullabye"), written with one co-writer about her failed relationship with her former husband, and "To Love, Let Go", produced by John Legend-collaborator Devo Springsteen. These songs not only had much stronger and deeper vocals than what the public is used to hearing from Spears, but lyrically they also showed her at her most vulnerable, being recorded in spring and summer 2007 during Britney's public breakdown with Britney as the song's primary writer. These two songs show that Britney has a much stronger voice (and can write songs with more meaning and variety) than what appears on her albums. In October 2007, the "Blackout" album was released, with Britney serving as the album's executive producer.

"The feeling of going down way too deep

Holding on so you won't lose your feet,

Sometimes you just gotta trust, you gotta take that leap, and let go"...

"These tears are overflowing, and never knowing why

All these years we've been hurting, we have to look inside

And try to let go" .... "To love, you gotta let go

If you really wanna love...you gotta let go." -Lyrics from "To Love, Let Go", written by Britney Spears, Devo Springsteen and Tom Craskey []

Throughout the end of 2007 and early 2008, Spears continued to publicly unravel and experience a breakdown for all the world to witness. More than any other celebrity, she had been exposed as a 'real' person rather than what is commonly viewed as a 'celebrity' in the public's eyes - something that, until now, only her fans had truly thought about her, despite her always being more 'real' and true to herself than the average star.

Spears also planned to re-release her "Blackout" album, with the plans for the album being managed by her, but this was canceled. She also planned to direct the video for her song "Radar", but she decided not to do this to release her sixth album a few months later instead.

Artistic Achievements: Began writing songs more personal to her with more meaningful lyrics (weren't used on album), co-wrote some of her "Blackout" album's material (as well as many of the unreleased songs from the album), executive producer for "Blackout" album, choreographed 'House of Blues' tour, created entire concept and involved in production process for original "Gimme More" music video (unreleased by record label), planned to direct video for "Radar" herself (canceled to release new album).

2008 - 2009: "Circus" Album and Return to Form

Throughout the remainder of 2008, Britney recorded her sixth studio album "Circus". She chose the album's first single, "Womanizer", and also came up with the video's entire concept. She also came up with the video concept to the album's second single "Circus" and again went against both her record label and management's decisions to release the song "If U Seek Amy" as the third single - she has also created the video treatment for this song. She also became more involved with the processes of remixes - she picked out all of the mixes that would be used for "Womanizer"'s CD single release rather than allowing her record label to do it (confirmed on her label's official site). Despite the album only having four co-writes from Britney, collaborators such as Nicole Morier said they wrote "nine to 10" songs with Britney that didn't make the final cut, which shows that the songs Britney has the most creative input on often are not mainstream enough to make her own albums. As of right now, Britney is being somewhat sidetracked and held back artistically due to her current personal and legal situations, as well as by recording a 'comeback' album in order to reclaim her status as the world's most infamous and sought-after popstar. Hopefully, Britney will show her full potential with her next album and will reveal a side of Britney that the public has never seen that her fans have always known existed.

Artistic Achievements: Co-wrote material on "Circus", chose all singles and developed concept for all videos from the album, involved in selecting remixes.

"Because my music - especially my live stuff - is very showy, a lot of people don't respect it as art.' 'Because I'm young, soft-spoken and nice to people, they go ahead and assume things.' 'But everything I have ever done - even my movie - I helped to write. I'm the complete opposite to a puppet.'" - Britney Spears []

orginal link: http://www.fanpop.com/spots/britney-spears/articles/17372/title/britney-spears-performer

Late Wednesday Randoms

2010-12-01T16:19:00.000+02:00

Five Sad Truths I Now Know Fo Shizzle

2010-12-01T15:00:00.000+02:00

1 There will always be another bill. No matter how cleverly you budget, or far ahead you plan, or how many customer care agents you threaten with death and mutilation, there will ALWAYS be one more that you have forgotten.

2 The rules are never the same for a) Your Boss and b) You. Sweet, Lowly Slave You.

3 If you decide you like a certain product, that you have perhaps being eyeing out for a while, it will no longer be available when you decide to actually get it. Same goes for a new food product - you see it, you gaze at it sceptically, you pretend to understand the label, and then you buy it. Then you like it, but guess what? The next time you go to the shop to get some, it is no longer available. And even though the sign above the empty shelf says: "Sorry! They are out of me! I'll be back soon!" - it won't. You have been lied to.

4 Whenever you learn a new word, or have anything pointed out to you, like: "have you seen those disturbing things posing as shoes, called crocs?" - you will suddenly see them everywhere and wonder why your world has suddenly been rocked like that. It's probably simply because you pointed it out and therefore are more alert to it. But, say you say something like: "Money. Money money money money money sex money", and you're aware and alert for it, but the universe will of course bless you with everything BUT those things.

5 There is no winning if any of these three are involved: sleep, weather and work. They're like the Evil Triumvirate. On a cold, rainy, miserable day, you will have to work. Or a gorgeous sunny day, you will have to work. On the day you want to go to the beach, it will rain. The night you need to sleep, you'll fall asleep at 4am, and then have to wake up a few hours later...for work. When you try to stay awake, you will nod off. If you go to bed early, you won't be able to sleep. On the day you really, really want to sleep in, you will have to work. On the day you can't even stay in bed a second longer, it will the weekend. And it will rain.

An Existential Crisis

2010-12-01T14:38:00.000+02:00

Comic Con 2

2010-12-01T14:34:00.000+02:00

Oh yes I did.

Oh Facebook

2010-12-01T14:20:00.000+02:00

You know what I love about Facebook? That at any given moment, someone somewhere out there is making a fool of themselves.

Bad Dog, Good Ad

2010-12-01T13:53:00.000+02:00

If PC's were honest...

2010-12-01T13:40:00.002+02:00

Things You Just Don't See Everyday (unless you Google it)

2010-11-25T16:41:00.000+02:00

E-Mail Therapy

2010-11-25T16:02:00.005+02:00

So I got one of those e-mails today. You know, one of those powerpoint presentations with a montage of images and what the writer thinks is some pretty deeply written shiz next to it. At the end, you're asked to forward it cos if you don't, God would, like, you know, send your ass over to the dark side. To Jehovah Witness camp.

Anyway, the words were actually pretty damn awesome, this time around. Sure they were still preachy and Rhema-like and in ALL CAPS Kanye-style but still. Seriously wise words.

Like so:

If an egg is broken by an outside force, a life ends. If an egg breaks from within....life begins.

Pretty smart, no? I thought so.

The rest:

Its better to lose your ego to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of ego

When you trust someone, trust him completely, without any doubt.
At the end you would get, either a hard-learned life lesson or a really good friend.

Life is not about the people who act true to your face, its about the people whom remain true behind your back....

The worst in life is attachment, It hurts when you lose it. The best thing is loneliness. Because it teaches you everything and when you lose it, you get everything.

(now thats deep!)

And now we move on to actual quotes (it was an all-encompassing e-mail) and what do you know? No more caps.

"You never conquer a mountain. You stand on the summit a few moments; then the wind blows your footprints away."

-Arlene Blum (I totally read it as 'Arlene's Bum')

“I hear and I forget.

I see and I remember.

I do and I understand.”
Chinese proverb (of course its Chinese.When in doubt, just say "Chinese proverb", or for extra authenticity, say :"Ancient Chinese proverb")

and finally:

“The greatest waste in the world is the difference between what we are and what we could become.”

Ben Herbste

Wireless

2010-11-25T15:42:00.000+02:00

All I Really Want

2010-11-24T16:31:00.000+02:00

* For me to never have to cut or style my hair again. I would to wake up and simply run my fingers through my hair (and not find crumbs, stompies or fluff) and emerge a trendily-tressed dude with effortlessly awesome hair, every day.

* To be able to control when I get to work, and when I leave. Like so:

7am: "Nope, don't feel like it today"
8am: "yeah, still don't"
10am: "hungry"
11am: "whats on the telly then?"
11.15am "I should eat"
11.30am: "stupid telly"

noon: "perhaps I shall shower"

1pm: "I'm rather bored now, maybe I shall work after all"
2pm: "I'll just have lunch at work"
2.30pm: "See? I LOVE work!"
3pm: "I can't. I just. Can't."
4pm: "I really could use a nap"
6pm: "Hmm, whats for supper?"
7pm: "whats on the telly then?"
9pm: "stupid telly. Let's get some 420 on"
9.10pm: "Hehehehehehehehehe!"
11.30pm: "oh I love telly"
1am: "man, I'm starving!!!"
2am: "I feel wide awake, maybe some Playstation?"
10am: "Man am I exhausted! I shall just skip work today"

* To Eat Pray Love Julia-style. Maybe skip Italy and head to Hawaii. Then def do India, have myself a spiritual awakening. Then maybe Bali - and awaken the inner slut within. So its more like eat, scuba dive, get laid. It works

How To Stay Awake - Work Edition

2010-11-24T15:55:00.000+02:00

1 Don't pee. Hold it in. The bladder pressure should keep you awake. Please note, how much you care about your own appearance is inversely proportionate to how successful this strategy is...

2 Strike up a conversation with your boss, be sure to make eye contact. You're screwed after that.

3 Say something offensive. Out loud. Try something mildy sexist, but just don't go the racist route.

4 Sway. But not with music, or I fear you shall fail your mission. Sway on your chair.

5 Eat something gassy. Like a fruit salad. Of really ripe stuff.

6 Try a DIY acupuncture treatment

7 Put on something grating, like Avril Lavigne.

8 Attempt to come up with Ten Ways To Do Anything

9 Start to think about your life choices, then question them

10 Attempt Sudoku, but before you do, bet a colleague a hundred bucks that you can do it

So a guy swings into a bar...

2010-11-24T14:42:00.002+02:00

The Hand that Hovers

2010-11-24T14:29:00.000+02:00

What happens when you Google the word: WRONG

2010-11-24T14:19:00.000+02:00

huh. who knew.

Cyanide & Happiness 2010

2010-11-24T13:05:00.000+02:00

Celebs Are Like, Weird

2010-11-24T11:55:00.001+02:00

Exhibit A:

New York City police say an actor who once appeared on the TV comedy "Ugly Betty" stabbed his mother to death with a 3-foot (90-centimeter) sword.

Police say 55-year-old Yannick Brea was found kneeling in the bathroom of her Brooklyn home with head cuts early Tuesday. She was pronounced dead at the scene.
They say her 31-year-old son, Michael Brea, was arrested on charges of murder and criminal possession of a weapon. He is undergoing a psychiatric evaluation at Kings County Hospital. Police didn't know if he had an attorney.
Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly says the son had no prior arrests and he was not sure if he had a psychiatric history. He once appeared on ABC's now-canceled "Ugly Betty."
A neighbor told the Daily News of New York that he heard screams of "Repent, repent, sinner, sinner!"

Questions that come to mind after reading that:

1 Just what role did he play, and which season?
2 They're not sure if a dude who just sliced his mothers head with a sword is off his rocker, or not. Um, I'd take a wild stab and say, yes.
3 Who do you think was screaming: "repent, repent?" Mommy or pyscho son?
4 So was she found kneeling or found dead? Or both? Cos maybe he made he repent, then?

Its this dude, btw

and I don't rem him at all, do you?

Exhibit B:

Hard-hitting music news from the red-tops today: Amy Winehouse has befriended a monkey. The singer, who is currently on holiday in Barbados, is apparently besotted with the creature after it randomly came up to her and she fed it. A well-placed source explained that the monkey has been following her around for the past week, and revealed: "She's been telling friends how much she loves it and would love to bring it back with her" (The Sun).

Yeah, he couldn't believe it either

Questions:

1 Randomly came up to her?

2 I bet it could smell a piece of KFC that had been lost in her hair

what else you got in there, Amy?

3 Wait, do monkeys eat chicken?

4 " A well placed source" means "no one at all, but hey, now we can make up shit"

5 She's been telling friends??? Hello, the monkey IS her friend...

6 I'm pretty sure it''s illegal to bring a monkey from Barbados into the UK to keep as a ~~pet~~ friend. Although she could totally smuggle it in her beehive...

Exhibit C:

Bruce Willis to front Russian bank ad campaign
MOSCOW (Reuters) - The tough guy image of Hollywood actor Bruce Willis will be used in a new campaign for a mid-sized Russian bank, the lender has said. Trust bank, a top-30 lender by assets, hung pictures of the "Die Hard" star on the streets of Moscow on Monday with the phrase "Trust is just like me, but a bank."

QUESTIONS

1 "trust is just like me, but a bank" ??? Seriously, thats what they're gonna go with? So a bank is bald, badass, pushing 60 and still oddly unaging? Hmmm
2 Damn the Russsians! They know a good thing, I mean, if I saw FNB putting up a big ass picture of Bruce Willis looking all macho, I'd be all "Hells Yeah!", kak tag line or not.
3 Even though Bruce has starred as a: hitman, gangster, assassin, spy, crime boss, corrupt cop, terrorist and bank robber. BANK ROBBER!

The 27 Year Old Battestar Virgin

2010-11-23T17:11:00.001+02:00

Yes, and I am not ashamed.

I mean, it wasn't until I realised that I have watched Lost, Alias, Buffy, Stargate SG-1, Star Trek Voyager, Fringe, The X Files, Firefly, Dollhouse, The Outer Limits, Supernatural, Quantum Leap, Star Trek Deep Space Nine and The Sarah Connor Chronicles that I started to think that maybe, just maybe, I am a nerd.

Anyway, have had BattleStar Galactica s1 in my collection for a while, but I just couldn't bring myself to watch it. Even though Wikipedia says this:

Throughout its run, the series earned critical acclaim from Time Magazine, National Review, Rolling Stone, Newsday, The New York Times, The New Yorker, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Chicago Tribune, and Entertainment Weekly.
Diane Werts of Newsday wrote: "You can look at this saga any way you want—as political drama, religious debate, psychological suspenser, sci-fi adventure, deep metaphor or just plain fun—and it's scintillating from every angle." Robert Bianco of USA Today commented: "Driven by violence and rage, Galactica is perhaps the darkest space opera American TV has ever produced. In Galactica's future, humans are on the run, and if external enemies don't get us, internal divisions will... You'll understand them [the characters], their conflicts and their desires, because they're recognizable humans in all their glorious complexity. And that's what makes Galactica a great TV series."Peter Suderman of National Review stated that the series is "arguably the most potent, dramatically vibrant series on television. ...[I]t packs the power of a gut punch on screen. For that, much credit is due to the immensely compelling cast of characters... Battlestar Galactica burns with a combustive mixture of political turmoil and human drama that is as achingly real and relevant as anything on television.Jeff Jensen of Entertainment Weekly wrote that the show "has distinguished itself as one of television's very best dramas — on a par with 24, The Wire, and Lost — because it so utterly transcends both its genre and its source material. ...[The] series' sophisticated stories have also attracted a distinctively new breed of fan, one who's not necessarily a sci-fi buff."

And thats just a THIRD of Wiki. Ja. I know.

Anywhichway, now that my BSG cherry has been fracked, here's a Virgins List of Observations:

1 Clearly the word "Frack" has replaced the other F word. Evolution, I tell you.

2 Apparently, Richard Hatch stars. I thought that meant we'd get a cameo of this guy

3 Fortunately, it turned out to be this guy

4 They really don't care much for explaining shiz, do they? I mean, at first I was all: "who is this weird blonde chick and is she a hallucination? And is the doctor, like, you know, loco?

she may look like that, but she really is one of these:

5 The first season plays the opening credits, followed by a quick montage of some dramatic looking shots that will happen in the episode, and then it starts. I hated it.

6 First episode of season 2, and guess what? They drop the montage thing. Now I miss it.

7 I don't know if I like that they have a president in the middle of nowhere who lives on what seems to be another ship. The point?

8 Well, I do like Madam President, though

9 There are some hotties in the show, no?

10 Are Cylons capable of love? Cos if they are....and they certainly seem to be at times....then..what will that mean?

Moment

2010-11-22T16:34:00.003+02:00

I don't know about you, but give me a cuppa tea, a Marlboro light*, a good friend** and a comfy couch***, and Shazaam! (Retro Pop Culture Reference #1) we're in navel-gazing What Is The Meaning of Life territory.

And so there I was on a Saturday night ("dance, I like the way you move", RPCR#2). Asking myself the hard stuff:

* Do I really need medical aid?

* What do I really believe about life after death? Cos, I'm all for reincarnation. Come back as Brangelina's Orphan Baby #78. Plus heaven sounds like hell to me, and hell sounds far too much like this one club I know...

* My childhood is over, isn't it?

* Can one truly be happy? And for how long?

* Can one perhaps not use "one" when one is talking about oneself?

* Do people really like Strawberry flavoured Nesquik?

* You know how we all have that ONE person? Who we lurve No Matter What? Like, you could marry and have kids and move to Alaska and run for President and have wild sex with Ricky Martin (just before you marry, of course, Ricky ain't no mistress) and not see them for 20 years and then one day you do, and what do you know? Your knees buckle and mouth gets dry and the butterflies start spazzing out in your tummy and its like no time had even passed. And no one else matters. And its just you and them again.

Well, I've often wondered if an incredible connection of the romantic kind is even possible again.
I was all "I definitely believe in love", "there's definitely someone out there for me, I know"

But at the back of my head, I didn't really believe it. I did, but only because its what I'm supposed to believe. I was all victim-y and embracing the life of solitude I was clearly doomed to live as a love pariah.
And then I spent many a night (thinking how you did me wrong, and I grew strong! RPCR#4) wondering and pondering and mumbling and bumbling and asking myself what made that ONE connection so real, and so true. Why him? Why then? What about him made it so special? blah blah f**king blah.

And then it hit me!

The answer is me. I chose to let him in! (shut up) I chose to open up! (shut your filthy mouth) and I chose to take a chance and give him more of me than ever before (you really do have a filthy mind, you know that?)

The reason we had such a deep, special bond was because I chose to have it. I chose to trust, and not be afraid, to be honest and be free and to believe.

And therein lies my Moment.

* And by Marlboro Light I mean, some of the good sh*t.

** Can also be imaginary

*** or hard, cold spot on a cement floor

Sign Veld (I couldn't think of a better pun)

2010-11-22T15:18:00.001+02:00

Its signs. Some of which can be found in velds:*

I'm not sure how that would help, but I guess its worth a try

Don't you love that the sign is PINK?

They must really not like visitors

you are what you eat, after all

Okay, so how many cows had to fall before they made the sign?

The sign is s great and all, but um, why the f*ck is it on a roof?

yes, but electric signs above dry grass is totally safe

The best revenge!

what in the hell kinda pigeons are these anyway?

* veld - Afrikaans for field, or open space, meadow or bush. I lie, its just field.

Comic Con

2010-11-22T13:47:00.001+02:00

Its comics, but not what you think, so its a bit of a con. Get it?

Oh well; movie and TV stills mixed with 'funny' bits of dialogue have been around for a while, and like most memes, most were not even that funny.

But these made me see the potential all over again:

The Horror Movie Survival Guide

2010-11-18T14:17:00.000+02:00

Horror movies rock.

Why?

Because even though most of them are kind of lame and in almost every one pretty much the same thing happens, we still watch, get excited and say we ‘man, I love me some scary movies’. So I've decided to update the Survival Guide - as if there really is one...

WHEN I say the same thing happens, I mean it. Sure there are a few differences – Michael Myers liked masks, for example, while Freddy Krueger embraced the pizza face look.

not really sure what he's so happy about...

It's not always a genetically engineered shark. Sometimes it's a genetically engineered croc. Sometimes it is a goose.

eek!

Basically, you could fill in the blanks and, presto, you've got a horror movie. Repeat formula twice and you've got a franchise.

Like so - simply underline your choice to create film:

"Angry disfigured men/inbred mountain men/mentally unstable asylum escapee goes nuts and hacks/butchers/tortures/ stabs a bunch of horny teenagers/vile horny twenty somethings/ annoying boarding school victims until the main character sort of escapes (loses limb/boyfriend/ family/pet), but only until the end credits where Jason/Freddy/Michael/ Chucky shows up one more time for a quick "got ya" moment. Even though he was decapitated/ impaled/burned alive and/or drowned.

After watching one too many horrors (seriously, never have a Saw marathon) I've come up with some new rules to live by. And by live, I mean not die.

The Number One Rule

If for some reason you have decided to a) spend a weekend in a remote cabin b) that is surrounded by a swamp, forest or cemetery, c) all by your lonesome and d) have lied to your parents and friends about where you are...

Its a nice, quiet neighbourhood but the nighbours are killer

well, maybe you deserve to be killed.

However, if you do find yourself in this situation, against your better judgment, and suddenly hear bumps in the night, whatever you do, do not investigate.

Yes, it will initially turn out to be a cat

or a drunk (boy)friend breaking in through the window, but more often than not, it is the psycho killer, and if you're not the main character, there will be blood. Yours.

Also, why would you say "Hello?" Do you really think the killer is going to be all "Hey, how you doin'?" No.

Guilty movies: When a Stranger Calls, Scream, Scream 2, Final Destination 1, 2, 3, 4, Friday the 13th, Last House on the Left, Every horror movie ever made.

Mothers Suck

No, really, they do. And in most cases, they're either the reason the teen gets chopped up or they're the ones doing the chopping.

Why was Norman Bates so messed up?

Momma Bates really loved her chair

His overbearing (and dead) mommy, mostly. Who encouraged Jason in Friday the 13th to kill the horny teenagers? Yup, momma bear.

In Scream 2, it was the mother of one of the killers from the first film who was doing all the dirty work.

Plus, parents just never, ever believe their kids. Teen: "Mom, there's a scary burned dude with knives trying to kill me in my sleep."

Mom: "That's nice, dear"

Guilty movies: Disturbia, Scream 2, Psycho, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street.

Don't Hesitate

Okay, how many times have you watched a movie where some bad guy has tortured or killed most of the cast, and has the main character in sight.

I've got something for you...

They have some sort of struggle and for a brief moment, the main character has a gun/knife aimed at the killer.

And you'd think, okay, shoot the bastard. But no. Our main character decides to tremble, doubt themselves, cry and ask the killer why and how he could kill everyone (have they not seen the movie?) This is where the killer decides to do the whole: "You see, I started my evil plan like so" explanation, and the victim just stands there. Instead of, you know, killing him.

now you know...

A few seconds later, and the gun/knife is smacked out of their hands, and the killer gets a free shot.

Of course a previously presumed dead character will suddenly appear just in time to save them, but still.

Guilty movies: I Know What You Did Last Summer, Scream 2 ("Are you a scary killer?"), Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Turn Around

Everyone knows one of those movie-goers who yells at the screen. "Turn around, you dumb bitch" is a favourite line. It's such a cliche, even Scary Movie parodied the cliche. And yet it still happens. Dumb Bitch is all alone in her big house, which has a lot of glass doors and windows and corners, and as she walks around, fake cooking or perhaps showering, you see shadows or reflections behind her

Yeah, its the cat

The music gets frantic, so you know someone's in the house, and sometimes the killer knocks over something. What does Dumb Bitch do? She half turns and even though there's a serial killer on the loose and she's alone, and in the same town as said serial killer, she's all "eh, probably a cat". Dumb. Bitch. (I apologise to Dumb Bitches everywhere for that.)

Guilty movies: Scream 1, 2, 3, I Know What You Did Last Summer, House of Wax, Halloween? oh, who am I kidding? Every other horror.

Shut up and drive

The spontaneous house party was a bust after a crazed killer crashed it to murder a few teens.

You somehow make it out of the house and into your car. This is where you

are supposed to drive the hell out of there.

Not, you know, sit in the car all panicked and victim-y.

I think I shall have a nap

Or look around for the killer and when you don't see him, start to cry.

Hello, he's hiding behind the car, just waiting for you to look distracted so he can smack the car window and scare you sh*tless. This, unbelievably, is usually when you decide to lock the car doors.

Um, wouldn't driving off (or into the killer) be more effective? In the case of the car not starting (which, admittedly, happens a lot in horror movies), go directly to Plan B. Do not stay in the car. Do not wait until the killer is at the car door before you finally admit defeat.

The Mirror Test

Want a foolproof way to know you're safe? The mirror method is flawless. Simply walk into any room with a mirror, gaze at yourself intensely, look away for a few seconds, and then look up at the mirror again. If there's a crazed psycho running around, he will always appear in the mirror the second time you look. Killers have a sixth sense like that.

Oh cool, a man in uniform

Guilty movies: Which horror film hasn't featured this?

Basic Don'ts (For the everyday survivor)

You've just been attacked by a knife-wielding, mask-wearing maniac. You somehow make it into the next room and shut the door.

Teehee, he cant see me!

First, don't stand against the same door and sob. Do you think a flimsy door will stop a killer who has already been decapitated?

So now you've escaped the house/cabin where the killer tried to get you. What to do next?

Don't head into the dark, scary woods when your car is right there in the driveway, or a neighbour's house is just a few metres away.

Also, don't ever try to escape through the cat flap in the garage door. You will be squished.

Giggles! This tickles!

If you're female and have recently read or seen news reports about a deranged killer on the loose in your sleepy town, don't take showers. No woman, especially if she has flashed her boobs, has ever survived one.

You're a hot blonde thing making out with your boyfriend in some deserted spot when you hear a noise. Don't believe your man when he says "it's just a cat" or "it's just the wind". Chances are he’s about to be staked. And not by Buffy.

If a gas station looks like it might be run by inbred mountain men, chances are it probably is. If you’re by yourself, don’t stop. Especially if it’s raining.

give us a kiss

If you are in a big-ass house and hear strange sounds, then suddenly see a pale little child standing in the doorway, don’t try to hug the child or engage it in conversation. It’s probably a ghost kid, possessed by Satan or it could be one of those creepy twins from The Shining.

We are Siamese if you please

Never run up the stairs when being chased by someone trying to kill you. You will fall – and inevitably end up on the roof. There you will fall again and sprain your ankle. Which leads to you crawling while the killer takes a leisurely stroll, catches up and guts you.

The killer and the victim decided on an impromtu game of 'fetch'

You and your friends are being hunted by some crazy chainsaw-wielding madman. You’re in unfamiliar territory and you don’t know how many other killers there are. Don’t split up. That just makes it way too easy for the killer.

If your kitchen utensils and pots and pans decide tostart a party by themselves in the middle of the night, if doors close on their own and the lights go on and off, don’t put it down to the fact that you have a sh***y house. You have a poltergeist. Run.

If your pet has recently become roadkill, and you actually bury the thing, don’t believe everything is fine when your cat shows up alive the next day. It has been reanimated and turned into Demon Kitty.

If you have a vision of death while on a plane, roller coaster, freeway or derby don’t freak out and start telling every one they’re going to die.

But I really need to go!

No one will believe you, and you will be mistaken for a terrorist and will soon be shacking up with Achmed in Guantanamo Bay.

Just go with it, because, if five Final Destination movies have taught us anything, it’s that if you’re the one with the vision, don’t worry – you will live. Everyone else will die.

You’ve made it to the third act of the film. Most of your friends, possibly your lover, and maybe even one of your parents has been brutally murdered. You’ve found temporary shelter and are momentarily safe. Don’t think of it as an opportunity to have meaningless sex. If you do, you won’t make the sequel.

If you’re invited to a remote island or military base, where a team of scientists have been genetically engineering animals, don’t RSVP.

The genetically altered bats/sharks/spiders/snakes/ piranha/crocs/ants/ dinosaurs/tomatoes will escape and they will kill you.

Guilty movies: Scream,Psycho, When a Stranger Calls, Halloween, Urban Legends, The Shining, The Omen, Paranormal Activity,Pet Semetery, Final Destination, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Wrong Turn, Bats, Deep Blue Sea, Snakes On A Plane.

The Story of Harry Potter

2010-11-17T12:39:00.013+02:00

Its the story from book 1-6...

...and it's aided by pictures. Because everythings better that way. Except maybe giving birth. And other medical procedures. And Donald Trump's hair. And some radio DJ's.

Moving along...

Year 1

Once upon a time, there was a wee lad named Harry. All messy haired and bespectacled, the kid had a rough start; all orphaned and alone.

and he had to live with these people:

who kept him in a cupboard under the stairs:

sadface, right?

but don't feel too bad, he does end up looking like this:

Anyhoodle, kid turns 11, and a giant hairy dude named Hagrid kidnaps/rescues him and tells him he's a boy witch.

Harry's all "awesome!" and is whisked away to a big-ass castle that doubles as a school for magic. He makes new friends in bookworm Hermione and laid back ginge, Ron.

Happy Face, right?

WRONG!

Harry also finds out his parents were murdered by the most evil wizard - Voldemort, who also tried to kill Harry - but for some reason*, the spell backfired and now Voldy is reduced to living off the back of other people's heads. Rude!

* Harry's mom could have given up Harry to Voldemort when he attacked, but she sacrificed her life to save him instead - thus affording power to something Voldemort didn't understand or value - love.

I know, deep right?

So after a few spots of bother, the trio emerge bonded and ready for whatever came next.

Which, in Year Two sees them fly a car

wee!

escape a violent tree

defeat a soul-possessing diary

which turned out to be something even worse! - for more, keep going

and kill a student-killing giant snake-type monster that can kill

you with a look.

(and yes, I used the word "kill" three times)

Year 3

Hermione gets boobs and punches Draco Malfoy

awesome, right?

Harry is stalked by a scary looking dog

And also (because you can never have too many stalkers) by the man who betrayed his parents to Voldemort, Sirius Black

Ron's rat goes AWOL on him, and one of Hagrid's pets is sentenced to death.

Its not a good time for pets...

But not to worry, Hermione whips out her time-turner (given to her so she could attend even more classes, sis)

which she uses to go back a few hours, and finally see what her hair looks like from the back (yeah, still bushy). Also, to save both Hagrid's pet and the evil murderer guy (Sirius Black) in one daring plan. Because, guess what? Turns out, Sirius had been framed, and more excitingly, is Harrys godfather!

Ron's rat, however turns out to have been the bad guy in disguise - he's an animagus - and good thing he was disguised, cos dude aint pretty...

Harry and Sirius bond

Rat Guy escapes, and Sirius, who turned out to also be an animagus who could transform into a big hairy dog... goes on the run. The end.

Of Year Three, that is.

Year Four saw Harry entered into a dangerous and exciting wizard tournament. It pissed Ron off at first, because he wanted to enter too, and they both were underage and not allowed to. But later, when Ron sees that Harry has to face one of these things

and so couldnt possibly have entered himself,

their friendship quickly resumes.

Harry's main competition in the tournament turns out to be Hufflepuff champ, Cedric Diggory

who scratches Harry's back after Harry scratches his. Cedric also suggests that Harry take a bath.

with toys.

Meanwhile, Ron gets jealous that Hermione is hanging out with this guy, a famous quidditch player

and whats worse, Ron's forced to go to a ball wearing this:

In the end, Harry and Cedric help each other out and decide to share the win.

Bad Idea.

Cos when they touch the trophy, they end up here:

A graveyard.

It's all been an elaborately staged trap set by Voldemorts minion, Rat Dude, on his diminished master's orders. Rat Dude kills Cedric

(But don't feel too bad. Dude ends up an undead vampire and takes his ass over to Twilight)

Do you like my sexy face?

Rat Dude performs some voodoo and drops a deformed and reduced Voldemort

into a cauldron, cuts off his own hand, adds some bones and some of Harry's blood (to alleviate the pesky gift of love protection) and then OMG!

Evil is Reborn.

but without a nose...

thanks to some wand mumbo jumbo (or Priori Incantatem) which looks like this:

and means that, because Voldy and Harry share the same wand core (I know, what are the odds?) the wands are matched and a rare thing happens; every spell cast reveals itself in reverse. The ghosts of Harry's murdered parents and his other victims appear and though it lasts seconds, they hold off Voldy just long enough for Harry to escape, with Cedric's body. Phew!

Year Five

Not only does no one believe Harry, that ol' Voldy is back, but they sorta make him out to be bat shit crazy. The Boy Who Fibbed, they call him. It doesn't help that Voldemort is laying low, letting people think he's not back. Making him even more dangerous, which he is loving. Well, loving isn't the word, is it?

All of this makes Harry a little grumpy. Plus he starts to have all these head ache-inducing visions...

Sorry, Harry.

The visions are glimpses into Voldemorts mind, and they're terrifying as Harry can feel what he is feeling.

Adding to the shite, this woman arrives

Pink is the new Evil

and makes life even more fun. I mean, her office looks like this

She likes cats, doilies, tea and in her spare time, torturing children.

Her ministry-approved interference forces Hermione to convince Harry to provide covert Defence against the Dark Arts lessons, and they form a secret army.

which makes them all bond, especially with Loopy Luna

and Harry gets that lovin' feeling for Rons little ginge sister, Ginny

But then Harry has a vision of Sirius in trouble at the ministry and he freaks out a bit. He's got every right to too, last time he saw Voldy's giant snake, Nagini, attack Ron's dad and guess what? Ginge Sr. really did get attacked!

So Harry and his army steal some invisible bony flying horsey creatures called Thestrals

Well, they're not invisible if you have seen death. Sad, and poignant. And creepy.

They fly off, led by Harry, to rescue Sirius, who Harry sees being tortured by Voldemort

but when they arrive, they realise its a trap!

and the kids are not all right!

Luckily the Order of the Phoenix

(these guys)

Dumbledores A Team will stare you down, b*tches

show up just in time to save Harry. Except, in the battle, Sirius is killed

Sadface.

In the chaos that follows, Voldemort and Dumbledore (the Wise and Bearded Headmaster) have an epic wand-off.

But equally matched, Voldemort possesses Harry and dares Dumbledore to kill him while in the boys body.

Harry fights with all his might and as he pictures Hermione, Ron, and all his friends....

feels joy and love...all of which is so foreign and terrifying to Voldemort that he experiences great pain and is ripped out of Harry's body (remember his mother saved him with love, so its a power Voldy knows not of) - just in time to reveal himself to The Minister of Magic, who can no longer rubbish Harry's claims.

Year Six

Harry gets a new teacher/couch, Professor Slughorn

and by using an old scribbled-on text book, becomes a Potion making genius.

This upsets both Ron and Hermione, who in turn start to fight with each other.

especially when Ron starts snogging this chick:

Dumbledore tells Harry he needs a vital memory from the new teacher, and that only Harry can get it. After several failed attempts Harry secures the memory with some liquid luck...

no really, its actual liquid luck - they brew it it potions class

And Voldemorts secret is revealed - he has split his soul into seven pieces, and hid each one in a magically protected/cursed object, called a Horcrux.
Only when each Horcrux is destroyed, will Voldemort become mortal and Harry can finally kill him.

It seems an impossible task, but Dumbledore reminds Harry that they have aleady destroyed two:

the diary

and the ring

which Dumbledore has already destroyed.

Dumbledore also thinks that this

ooh shiny

Helga Hufflepuff's cup, is also one

as is this

Salazar Slytherin's locket

and maybe even Voldemort's giant snake, Nagini, whom he seems to exert an unusually high amount of control

hissssssy hissssy

But just Harry and Dumbledore return from a Horcrux mission, they find themselves in the midst of a daring attack. A weakened Dumbledore is killed by a teacher whose loyalty Dumbledore spent most of his life defending - Professor Snape.

They never saw it coming...

its a huge, huge, HUGE twist!

Distraught and angry, Harry vows to find and destroy the remaining Horcruxes - Ron and Hermione tell him that where he goes they go.And when they find and destroy them all, Harry is going to kill Voldemort or die trying...

and that

is where Deathly Hallows Part 1 will start off from.

And thats my picture guide to HP. May the force be with you

Remember Lost?

2010-11-16T20:42:00.000+02:00

Remember L O S T?

I would go crazy after each episode. It always blew my mind, I'd discuss insane theories with a friend, argue about it online, and spend far too much time wondering what the hell was going on. I loved it for being so different, challenging and for being so daring.

I mean, over the years its made me ask myself some crazy shiz:

"Wait, is that a ... polar bear ... on a tropical island?"

She robbed a bank to get a ...toy plane?

These numbers aren't really going to pay off, are they?

Did he just kill them?

Who the hell is she?

When did they get here?

(and when do they leave?)

Thanks writers:)

Is he dead? This dude has some bad luck...

I mean:

and

so I really don't blame him for:

anyway...

A Donkey Wheel that moves the island, huh?

Are they in diapers because?

Why was Sawyer being chased by a pig that one time? No really?

What was I saying again?

Well, good times anyway, good times.

Things I Know

2010-11-16T08:50:00.000+02:00

1 I ~~probably~~ will cry when watching the new Harry Potter film
2 Breakfast punch is not a flavour
3 The higher your title, the less you actually do
4 I want a high-title
5 Like Your Highness.
6 Buying fruit out of season = blegh
7 Older = lazier
8 Older = less likely to care that you're lazier
9 Lazier = Older faster
10 This is starting to remind me of algebra

Gotta Love Facebook

2010-07-19T20:41:00.002+02:00

You're Doing It Wrong

2010-07-19T20:36:00.002+02:00

Be Careful What You Wish For

2010-07-19T20:35:00.002+02:00

some funnies

2010-07-18T20:16:00.000+02:00

The Lying Down Game

2010-07-18T20:06:00.001+02:00

So theres this group on Facebook called The Lying Down Game Group. People lie down, face first, arms at their side, body rigid, take a picture and post it on the internet. Thats it

But.... check out the pics - it's actually kinda AWESOME!

Forgive Me Father

2010-07-18T19:56:00.000+02:00

Introducing

2010-07-18T19:40:00.000+02:00

The world's first (at least I think) inflatable pub!

An inflatable version of the traditional-looking English pub has gone on sale for people to install in their garden. The Hogshead Inflatable Pub is the first pub in the world to get the inflatable treatment.

Inside there's enough room for 50 drinkers with a fully stocked bar... But though its inflatable, it's still not cheap - £27,815 ($42,523) will get you the inflatable pub. Don't know about how useful those chimneys are gonna be though....

Now what do you think is going on here?

2010-07-18T19:38:00.000+02:00

a) a fun game of swing the lizard?
b) the start of a beautiful friendship?
c) what happens when a lizard takes on an elephant?

d) i don't know, but I feel like saying weeee!

file under: wtf

2010-07-18T19:22:00.002+02:00

Um, how?

The Upside

2010-07-18T14:03:00.002+02:00

Tsk tsk

2010-07-18T14:02:00.000+02:00

Oh dear

2010-07-18T13:55:00.000+02:00

Saving Private Ryan

2010-07-18T13:52:00.000+02:00

How Bruce Feels

2010-07-18T13:48:00.002+02:00

Marriage - The Truth

2010-07-18T13:47:00.002+02:00

No Names Mentioned, But...

2010-07-18T13:46:00.000+02:00

I Bet That's Not All You Get

2010-07-18T13:42:00.002+02:00

Men vs. Women

2010-07-18T13:41:00.000+02:00

Animal True Graphs

2010-07-18T13:37:00.000+02:00

signs of the times

2010-07-18T13:35:00.000+02:00

Well, that didn't sound as catchy as I thought it would. Oh well.

You don't see this every day

2010-07-18T13:25:00.000+02:00

How'd that goat get up there?

2010-07-18T13:21:00.002+02:00

don't judge

2010-07-18T13:20:00.000+02:00

Hmm I Have Always Wanted Dimples...

2010-07-18T13:14:00.002+02:00

All that glitters

2010-07-18T13:01:00.000+02:00

Damn

2010-07-18T12:54:00.000+02:00

The Private Bench consists of a bench covered with retractable metal spikes and a coin slot. Seriously.

If you want to sit down on the bench without an array of spikes jamming you in the ass, you’ve got to pay €0.50 (about 4 randt). This causes the spikes to retract so you can sit on the bench, and also activates a timer.

Shortly before the timer expires, you’re warned by a buzzer to get up; then, the spikes shoot back up. Just make sure you don’t fall asleep.

Via

happy birthday

2010-07-18T12:00:00.001+02:00

Happy birthday for yesterday:) You probably don't read this, and will never see this, but yeah. I remembered.

Hope you had a good one. Am sure you were spoiled silly ...but if not, here's some koek and a duckie

And now the T-shirt

2010-07-17T11:11:00.002+02:00

Paul Rudd. In Curlers.

2010-07-17T11:08:00.000+02:00

An outtake from Terry Richardson's GQ shoot of Paul Rudd. Too bad it didn't make the cover

Seriously. How come he still looks so hot? I would so....

And, I still would...

Bon Qui Qui

2010-07-16T20:42:00.004+02:00

Anjelah Johnson (born May 14, 1982) is an American actress, comedian, & former NFL cheerleader. Johnson is most notable for her membership in the recurring cast of comedians on sketch comedy series MADtv during its 13th Season.

Her characters include a rude fast food employee named Bon Qui Qui and a Vietnamese nail salon employee.

bon qui qui. a person (often female) who is white, but acts incredibly ghetto.

Garfield Minus Garfield

2010-07-16T20:36:00.000+02:00

"Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb. " - Garfield Minus Garfield

Its kinda pointless, and odd, and um, ja. But somehow its funny

And so it starts

2010-07-16T20:20:00.000+02:00

This is just a post to say

2010-07-16T20:16:00.002+02:00

I f*****g hate POP UP ADS!

Movie List Time

2010-07-16T20:14:00.000+02:00

Five Absolutely Useless Characters in Otherwise Great Movies

Published by Nattyb at 10:00 am under Movies

When you watch a crappy movie there’s always some character that pisses you off and you realize that you’d rather not see them at all. But it’s rare when you watch a great film that the same thing happens. Generally a great movie means you like most if not all things about the film.
But on occasion, even a great movie will throw some stinkers your way. I had a tough time coming up with this list but it was fun to come up with some of these calls.
Here are five absolutely useless characters in otherwise great movies

Diane Keaton in the Godfather Movies

Keaton plays Michael’s wife Kay. Her original name was Kay Adams. It’s sad because Godfather I and II are clearly two of the best movies in the history of movies and in general movies of that quality are 100% successful in terms of the characters and acting. But let’s face it. It doesn’t get more dull, plain, and irritating as Keaton’s character Kay. While I can certainly understand how that character fits in perfectly to the movie, I’m pretty sure every single scene that involves her (except when Michael slaps her in the face) is a scene I just don’t need to watch. And that’s the sign of a truly useless character. Every time she’s in the film I think to myself “shut up already.”

Maria De Madeiros in Pulp Fiction

She played Bruce Willis’s love interest Fabienne. I’m pretty sure every time she mentions pancakes, food, or just about anything it makes me want to regurgitate a week’s worth of meals. Good God Fabienne. Shut the hell up. You’re not even remotely attractive and you’re talking about pie and oral pleasure? God she’s gross. I’m pretty sure every time I’ve seen that movie with a friend, whenever Fabienne comes on it gets fast forwarded. Although I do love when Willis yells at her. Otherwise Pulp Fiction as we all know is a phenomenal movie.

Maggie Gyllenhaal in Dark Knight

I just think this is an example of really bad casting. You can’t have an average or below average looking woman playing the role of an incredibly hot woman. It’s nothing against Gyllenhaal because she’s a very good actress and played the role well. However, when you have these guys looking at her as if she’s the jewel of the nile then it just doesn’t click. If it were established that her character wasn’t supposed to be hot then I’d be fine with it but face it, “Hello Beautiful!” coming from the Joker made me think “who the hell is he talking about?” And when Bruce Wayne is walking around with Playmates but only has eyes for her? Come on people.

Jane Brucker in Dirty Dancing

She played Lisa, Baby’s sister. The only thing useful about this character was her large boobs when she was practicing that stupid coconut song. Other than that we really didn’t need to see her at all.

Danny Nucci in Titanic

He played Fabrizio. What in the hell is with his retarded Italian accent? Funny because Nucci is Italian but really can’t do an Italian accent. Of all the characters in this movie did we really need a stupid simple minded sidekick who felt like king of the world too? No, not at all.

*Bonus and debatable: Jar Jar Binks in Phantom Menace

As the entire world knows, Jar Jar Binks is one of the worst movie characters in the history of cinema. The issue is that I’m not sure Phantom Menace qualifies as a great movie. On the flip side, had Binks not been in the movie would it have been great? I’ll let you guys chew on that for a while.

from unreality.com

word

2010-07-16T20:11:00.000+02:00

Peegret

The regret you experience when you leave the bar hastily at the end of the night without relieving yourself.

noun: Hold on a sec, I have to make a pit stop, I have a serious case of peegret.

verb: You better go before you leave, or you'll peegret it.

via urbandictionary.com

things I should not do

2010-07-16T20:08:00.000+02:00

1 Start all my blog posts with "Things"

2 Attempt to quit smoking. It's just not gonna happen.

3 Buy pies. From any old place. Seriously.

4 Eat pies bought from any old place.

5 Buy cheaper cat food. Pussy only eats the fancy shit.

6 Use the word pussy instead of cat at every opportunity

7 Watch anything on e.tv. Unless I want to be reminded of bad 90s American kak. Unless it's Passions.

8 Pretend to watch Passions. I do not!

9 Go to Foreign Film festivals. One 3 hour silent war film has traumatised me enough.

10 Make eye contact with a certain chatty old lady neighbour